Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
is it fun? or sober?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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