Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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