It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
