Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize