They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
