even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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