there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
