Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
