R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
