i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
