saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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