I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
