...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
