I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
