all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
