I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
