Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
