It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
