I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
