So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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