Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize