dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
