That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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