There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
