so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize