What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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