WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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