I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
