Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
