im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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