You're so nebulous sometimes
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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