I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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