If i could tip my vagina, i would.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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