i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
