At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
