btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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