Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
