he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
