so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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