It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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