i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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