drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
