I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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