I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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