remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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