you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Randomize
