Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
