her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
