Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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