How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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