If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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