Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
