i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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