I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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