thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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