Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
