Since when is my name a synonym for head?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
