i barfeds in our rink
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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