8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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