Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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