last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize