he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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