okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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