At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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