so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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