I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize