Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
