haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Randomize
