The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
