Where are you?
In a non slutty way
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
