Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
