i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
