she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
