There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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