At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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