I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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