then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize