If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
