Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
