I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
