Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
How does one acquire holy water?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
