I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
