I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
