I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
