If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize