How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize