Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
